Day (one) ja vu

So here we are again. Back to day one and this time it actually is day one (’twas some sesh). Grad ball at the weekend. A nice, civilized event celebrating the maturity of adolescent’s and their transition into young professionals. Then there’s me. Legless. Again. Day before I went for a quiet pint after work with my new work mates. I then stuck around for 7 more. That’s the boring details, nothing awful (to my memory) happened either night. I shouted relentlessly at a bypasser who gave me a bit of cheek (genuinely am sorry) but nothing that I’d be put in jail for.

So, why, then? Because I turned up to work on Monday morning, to this job that I’d been looking forward to for a good year. In an absolute state. Incapable of looking anyone in the eye. Avoiding confrontation. Hating myself Cursing my existence and totally struggling to keep up with the training. Alcohol did that to me. Yeah I may have got a drunken shift in coppers, meaningless now, I’ll never see her again, sure I can barely even remember what she looked like.

Alcohol has made me a shadow of the man I used to be. Alcohol has made me reliant on a drug for a bit of confidence. Alcohol has tricked me into thinking that everything can wait until I have a drink, cause I can deliver it better then. Alcohol has made me sad, it’s cost me days of my life, it’s given me some stories but ultimately done a lot more bad than good. Alcohol has made me lazy, it’s sapped my enthusiasm, it’s given me a horrible anxiety disorder. The list goes on. I’ve said it before many a time, but this time I’m for real. I fully believe alcohol has been the root of every problem I’ve had in the last number of years. Call me naive, call me whatever you want, but without alcohol, I will have no problems.

It’s funny, I don’t even like drinking. I don’t particularly enjoy it, I just do it because I feel socially pressurized into it. And once I’ve started I can’t stop. So I just won’t start.

I have the rest of my life ahead of me, and I’m never again creating a problem for myself because of alcohol. Today is not only day one without alcohol, it’s day one of the rest of my life.

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Day 4 – Why?

”Are you cracked lad? No chance. I give you two weeks. Hahahaha my arse”

I haven’t told my friends yet but I expect reactions along them lines. They haven’t known me any different. They know my vulnerability to The Fear, they find it hilarious. Sound lads. They also know my fondness for an ol pint of vitamin H. They’re probably right, I won’t last that long. That’s not the point though, it makes no odds if I last 3 years or 3 weeks. It depends when I reckon I’m ready again. When I feel like I can hack it and only time will tell when that’s gonna be.  Read more

Blog 1 – Day 1

Howaya. So there I was about an hour and a half ago, sitting in front of the stove with me ma and da watching the Enfield Haunting (cracking film/documentary, depending on how addicted you get) absolutely crippled by The Fear from my midweek escapades (detailed later) when a wild idea dawned upon me. Something that’d shake up the world to invention of the wheel  proportions. I’d take a year off the drink (an Irishman!), blog about it and become an internet sensation. I’d call it year no beer. Perfect. Read more